For years, the concept of willpower has been heralded as the key to leading a successful life. But recent insights suggest that there might be more effective strategies at play.
“It was thought that people with better willpower would be more successful,” says psychologist Marina Milyavskaya from Carleton University in Ottawa, Canada.
Numerous studies seemed to back this up, showing connections between strong willpower and improved academic performance, healthier relationships, and even better dietary habits. Parents were encouraged to teach their children to resist temptations like junk food and screen time.
Unveiling the Willpower Myth
However, in the past decade and a half, psychologists, including Milyavskaya, have re-evaluated these studies. They discovered a significant oversight: these studies were not actually measuring willpower but rather the ability to steer clear of temptations altogether.
This revelation has led to the development of more effective methods for managing the myriad temptations facing children today.
The Pitfalls of Relying on Willpower
Willpower is all about resisting immediate temptations, explains Milyavskaya. “It’s the idea of effortful resistance of temptation.” The traditional approach was to build willpower through repeated exposure, akin to athletes strengthening their muscles through training.
Michael Inzlicht, a psychology professor at the University of Toronto, highlights a flaw in this approach: “Evidence from my lab and other people’s labs suggests that it’s not gonna help you in the long term.” Instead of building resistance, frequent exposure can increase a child’s desire for the very temptations they’re supposed to resist.
Embracing New Strategies
Initial studies on willpower depended heavily on surveys to assess self-control, which was believed to correlate with life success. But newer research methods focused on real-life behaviors showed that successful individuals often limit their exposure to temptations.
Wendy Wood, a professor emerita of psychology at the University of Southern California, advocates for teaching children how to avoid situations with high temptation, rather than just resisting them.
For instance, instead of teaching children to resist a marshmallow in front of them, it’s more effective to help them avoid being in tempting situations altogether.
Reframing Healthy Choices
Parents can also nurture a love for healthier alternatives, Wood suggests. “Your kids’ choices are malleable, and it’s really influenced in part by what they’re exposed to,” she says.
In practice, this means providing children with opportunities to enjoy healthier options, like encouraging reading by making books readily available.
Furthermore, Milyavskaya emphasizes the importance of how we talk about healthy choices. By focusing on the positive aspects of healthy foods or activities, children are more likely to develop a preference for them.
For more on parenting strategies, Michaeleen Doucleff’s book Dopamine Kids offers additional insights.
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